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August 10, 2005
"I've had enough of your anti-gay venom"

This piece was originally published in the Valley News, out of White River Junction, VT and Hanover, NH by Sharon Underwood, the mother of a gay son. It's a year old, but I just read it for the first time on Just Keep Breathing and felt it was important enough to share. It moved me and I want it here for posterity. Everyone knows someone who is "against" gay rights. Maybe you are. I will never understand why.

-----

As the mother of a gay son, I've seen firsthand how cruel and misguided people can be.

Many letters have been sent to the Valley News concerning the homosexual menace in Vermont. I am the mother of a gay son and I've taken enough from you good people.

I'm tired of your foolish rhetoric about the "homosexual agenda" and your allegations that accepting homosexuality is the same thing as advocating sex with children. You are cruel and ignorant. You have been robbing me of the joys of motherhood ever since my children were tiny.

My firstborn son started suffering at the hands of the moral little thugs from your moral, upright families from the time he was in the first grade. He was physically and verbally abused from first grade straight through high school because he was perceived to be gay.

He never professed to be gay or had any association with anything gay, but he had the misfortune not to walk or have gestures like the other boys. He was called "fag" incessantly, starting when he was 6.

In high school, while your children were doing what kids that age should be doing, mine labored over a suicide note, drafting and redrafting it to be sure his family knew how much he loved them. My sobbing 17-year-old tore the heart out of me as he choked out that he just couldn't bear to continue living any longer, that he didn't want to be gay and that he couldn't face a life with no dignity.

You have the audacity to talk about protecting families and children from the homosexual menace, while you yourselves tear apart families and drive children to despair. I don't know why my son is gay, but I do know that God didn't put him, and millions like him, on this Earth to give you someone to abuse. God gave you brains so that you could think, and it's about time you started doing that.


No choice
At the core of all your misguided beliefs is the belief that this could never happen to you, that there is some kind of subculture out there that people have chosen to join. The fact is that if it can happen to my family, it can happen to yours, and you won't get to choose. Whether it is genetic or whether something occurs during a critical time of fetal development, I don't know. I can only tell you with an absolute certainty that it is inborn.

If you want to tout your own morality, you'd best come up with something more substantive than your heterosexuality. You did nothing to earn it; it was given to you. If you disagree, I would be interested in hearing your story, because my own heterosexuality was a blessing I received with no effort whatsoever on my part. It is so woven into the very soul of me that nothing could ever change it.

For those of you who reduce sexual orientation to a simple choice, a character issue, a bad habit or something that can be changed by a 10-step program, I'm puzzled. Are you saying that your own sexual orientation is nothing more than something you have chosen, that you could change it at will?

If that's not the case, then why would you suggest that someone else can?

A popular theme in your letters is that Vermont has been infiltrated by outsiders. Both sides of my family have lived in Vermont for generations. I am heart and soul a Vermonter, so I'll thank you to stop saying that you are speaking for "true Vermonters."

Principles?
You invoke the memory of the brave people who have fought on the battlefield for this great country, saying that they didn't give their lives so that the "homosexual agenda" could tear down the principles they died defending.

My 83-year-old father fought in some of the most horrific battles of World War II, was wounded and awarded the Purple Heart. He shakes his head in sadness at the life his grandson has had to live. He says he fought alongside homosexuals in those battles, that they did their part and bothered no one. One of his best friends in the service was gay, and he never knew it until the end, and when he did find out, it mattered not at all. That wasn't the measure of the man.

You religious folk just can't bear the thought that as my son emerges from the hell that was his childhood he might like to find a lifelong companion and have a measure of happiness. It offends your sensibilities that he should request the right to visit that companion in the hospital, to make medical decisions for him or to benefit from tax laws governing inheritance.

How dare he? you say. These outrageous requests would threaten the very existence of your family, would undermine the sanctity of marriage.

You use religion to abdicate your responsibility to be thinking human beings. There are vast numbers of religious people who find your attitudes repugnant. God is not for the privileged majority, and God knows my son has committed no sin.

The deep-thinking author of a letter to the April 12 Valley News who lectures about homosexual sin and tells us about "those of us who have been blessed with the benefits of a religious upbringing" asks: "What ever happened to the idea of striving . . . to be better human beings than we are?"

Indeed, sir, what ever happened to that?

Posted by Amy at August 10, 2005 09:19 PM
Comments

I will never understand homophobia either. As a human being and an American, I am ashamed that it even exists. Thank you for sharing this letter.

Posted by: susie on August 10, 2005 9:52 PM

This is one terrific article/letter. Hopefully you can print it out for your Mom. Made me cry.

Posted by: Cathy on August 11, 2005 6:33 AM

Thank you for posting this letter. I've been reading your site (among several others) for a few months, but I have never been moved to respond (to any site) until now. What is ironic about this whole "anti-gay" stuff is that America is hated for her freedom. So what do we do? We try to legislate opinions about morality. Interesting...and sad.

Posted by: Northern_Girl on August 11, 2005 8:56 AM

Thank you.

Posted by: Cinda on August 11, 2005 11:30 AM

It is a shame that those who need to read this most
will be the ones who understand it least.

Posted by: Kathy of the HavinsNest on August 11, 2005 8:08 PM

It is a shame that those who need to read this most
will be the ones who understand it least.

Posted by: Kathy of the HavinsNest on August 11, 2005 8:13 PM

This is one of the most thought-provoking articles I've ever read. Wow. Thank you so much for posting it.

Posted by: Jennifer on August 12, 2005 12:54 AM

I cried, Miss Amy, and I clapped. Thats all I could do.

Posted by: Kiersten on August 13, 2005 1:00 AM

What a powerful piece. I will make sure that it gets wider distribution. Thanks for posting it.

Posted by: Bev on August 13, 2005 3:39 PM

I got here from Bev's journal -- thank you for posting this.

Posted by: Bozoette Mary on August 13, 2005 4:59 PM

You kick ass, Amy.

Thank you for reminding me why I always tear up when I see the PLFAG float at Pride events, and why I'm never surprised to see it get the biggest cheer.

Thank you for making sure that well written ideas on this get spread farther and wider than they were before.

Thank you for reminding me of the good parts of this issue.

Thank you.

Posted by: alice on August 13, 2005 7:53 PM

Beautiful entry. Thank you for posting it.

Posted by: Wilma on August 13, 2005 9:22 PM

A very powerful letter, Amy. I've never read something like this from a mother's point of view. I sincerely hope her expression of raw emotion and reasonability touches others as it has me.

Thank you for posting it.

Posted by: Darcie on August 14, 2005 9:04 PM

I'm so glad you posted this! Some of the most moving and powerful words I've ever read about this horrible hatred/fear/ignorance in our society.

Posted by: karenleigh on August 15, 2005 8:11 PM

Bravo, bravo.

Posted by: Vic on August 18, 2005 1:45 PM

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE MY AUNT AMY!!!!!

Posted by: nephew Danny on August 20, 2005 6:00 PM

Amy:
Thank you for posting this article. It is my hope that someday, being gay (as I am) won't be viewed as a disease, illness or sickness. I just wish that people would be accepted for whatever they are and that the fact that they love someone of the same sex won't matter. Besides, why should these people care about what the hell I do in my bedroom? I'm not a criminal, I pay taxes, I contribute to society, and I love my country. Oh, BTW, I VOTE... and so do the other MILLIONS of gays and lesbians.

Thanks again for posting this! My hat goes off to you Amy.

Tammie

Posted by: Tammie on August 29, 2005 1:35 PM

Thank you very much!

Posted by: Sany on September 17, 2005 12:43 PM
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