When In Doubt, Use Parsley: Comment on Diary history

June 08, 2003

Diary history

The first diary I ever owned is sitting in front of me, screaming to have its secrets revealed.

I've had diaries, journals, whatever, in some form since 1977. The first one I owned is small and pink and has a broken lock. I loved that thing.

I must not have liked my maiden entry, because the entire page had been erased and this was written over it...

Sunday, December 25 1977 (I had just turned eight years old)

dear diary,

today was Christmas and I got many presnts today I got easy bake oven and many more things.

Good news, good news.

The next day I was similarly self-conscious and I erased the entry before offering:

Monday, December 26 1977

today I made my first cake in my oven and saved it.

I'll bet that tasted good with a few days on it...

The next day I, again, had an entire entry written, but erased it and scrawled "NOTHING HAPPENED!" across that page. My God, what do you think was going on in my life that warranted three censored diary entries??

Awww yeah, here's the stuff:

Friday, January 11 1978

Dear Diary,
Today Donnie and Marie were on and Jenny spent the night. and Mr. Martin watched us through the windo!!!

I think Mr. Martin was our next-door neighbor, and I'm sure that he had nothing better to do than watch two eight-year-olds lust after Donny Osmond. Dramatic much?

Really, someone needs to teach me a little something about conflict in my writing:

Monday, January 14 1978

Dear Diary,

Today I watched little house on the prarie and it was good.

Uh oh...on this day my angst was such that I couldn't record the date.

Dear Diary,

Today we know all the letters in cursive, and my friend can't play anymore just because I cried cause I couldn't watch Donny and Marie and they said I was spoiled because her brother Jimmy let us watch the rest of it. but I can play without that old Jenny and Tracy. So there!

I remember that night CLEARLY. Being at Jenny's house, and the sinking feeling in my stomach when I realized it was Friday night and almost time for Donny & Marie, and that my friend's brother wasn't planning on watching it. And there was no other TV in the house. KISS OFF to whoever in that house called me "spoiled"!!! I didn't need to be called names...I needed a TiVo!!!

I should scan this entry because honestly, my handwriting is so bad it looks like I wrote it with my feet!

Friday, September 14 1978

today I went to a spegti dinner and kelly was in a dance called Disco.

VIVA LE '70s!!!!

Oh my. This one is written EXTREMELY NEATLY, capturing the controlled rage I felt as I wrote...

Thursday, September 27 1978

I hate Kelly! She is the worst friend there is in the whole world! I was playing with her and I said "I better go" so I left beacuse I had girl scouts, so when I got home my mother had the car so I called her back and she said she was playing with Matt and she calls him Matheww to show off she thinks she is so big because she thinks the back of her brownie star is her pet when its not even ALIVE and she acts all big with it! I hate her with all my might!!!

Look for more tension between Kelly and I very shortly...I took abuse from this girl until we moved away...

Saturday, December 9 1978

Today I saw Grease! It was the best movie I ever saw. I even have the album (which actually belonged to my brother Dennis), the book (which was really cool, it told the story though photographs from the movie, but my mom confiscated it and THREW IT AWAY because it had "dirty" words!!) and the postor!

Saturday, March 24 1979

Today I was playing with kelly and she said 7x6 was 43 and I told her it was 42 (which I know is right) So she said Mr. Micklo told her it was 43 and if I was going to say it was 42 I was wrong! So she got up and started erasing the board (we were playing school) and I said your not the teacher its my turn and she said neither are you! So I left. But last night when she spent the night The Wizard of Oz was on!

Who the hell would argue that 7x6 is 43? Did we not have a calculator? I don't understand this whole conflict...

Sunday April 15 1979

Today is easter and I got a lot of things. But in the morning in the middle of church I threw up!

OK, that's disgusting.

But listen.

First of all, we were in a packed church in APRIL in FLORIDA and I had eaten most of the contents of my Easter basket before mass. It was about 1,000 degrees in the church...what would you do??

I had a choice of puking on my dad or on my sister Peggy...it was proably the most difficult decision I've had to make. I chose Peggy, but most of it landed on me and on the kneeler in front of us. Because my brother Dennis is so sensitive, he made us sit in that same seat every Sunday thereafter and he would force me to sit directly in front of the puke-stained kneeler.

I should have stayed home and watched Donny & Marie...

Posted by Amy at June 08, 2003 11:16 PM

Comments

Amy? Love you. HYSTERICAL.

BUT! Please explain "Brownie Star." I was a Brownie and that's a new one on me.

Posted by: Erin on June 9, 2003 7:36 AM

DONNY AND MARIE!! I TOTALLY understand why you would be upset because you couldn't watch it!

Hey, did you know I was going to marry him? Kelli Osmond... I can't believe he married that other girl... didn't he get my letters? Didn't he KNOW how I felt about him? Pfft. I showed him though. As soon as those purple socks with his picture on them got too small for me, I stopped wearing them!

Posted by: Kelli on June 9, 2003 7:49 AM

Um, EXCUSE me, Kelli. I believe *I* was destined to be Mrs. Donny Osmond, so hands off sister!

I had the Donny Osmond pillowcase, and you better believe I practiced my kissing on it.

Posted by: Robyn on June 9, 2003 9:50 AM

now you're tempting me to write up my 16-year-old musings on life and love!

Posted by: aleta on June 9, 2003 10:01 AM

I am laughing so hard tears are forming in mine eyes at the whole puking in church story.

You rock!

Posted by: Michelle on June 9, 2003 10:04 AM

ROBYN!!!

You are my hero.

I tried to get the pillowcase, but alas, they were sold out. I settled for the purple socks.

Posted by: Kelli on June 9, 2003 1:21 PM

More! More! More! Please?!

Posted by: Jennifer on June 9, 2003 9:58 PM

Oh there has to be more coming? Right? Especially more drama with the peeping tom neighbor!

Posted by: Shae on June 9, 2003 11:16 PM

I, too, like the puking story the most. You are going to start a trend of old diary postings, I can just feel it.

Posted by: Eliza on June 10, 2003 10:18 AM

If anyone from Dunedin FL is reading this the name of the church Amy got sick at is Our Lady of Lords and it was the 5th pew all the way to the left. I have it from a good source that the stain is still on the pew. Amy was told by our mother to stop eating all the candy or she would get sick. When Amy got in the car to go to church that morning she had a half a chocalate bunny in her hand. When we arrived at church the bunny was gone.

Posted by: Dennis on June 10, 2003 1:06 PM

OMGosh this was TOO funny, I really enjoyed it!!

Posted by: Allie on June 11, 2003 3:08 PM

Great site and a hysterical story. Will definitely be visiting again.

Posted by: TW on June 13, 2003 4:12 PM

Lordylordy, I am snorting at work. Yay childhood diaries. Thanks for posting those entries...

In the same vein, I have my fifth grade diary up at:
http://www.fini.net/~havis/1988/

You will notice that as an eight-year-old you had already surpassed me intellectually. Hee.

Posted by: hillary on June 16, 2003 4:55 PM

Re: Our Lady of Lourdes (aka Our Lady of Madonna's daughter)

I gotta put in my 2 cents. Didn't Dennis pass out in this church? Also, one thing I remember was me or me/Dave visiting for weeks on end, accompanying the Cogs to this church. We were all sitting in the pew (pee-yew, since 'that' Easter). Uncle Ed noticed it was getting crowded. He said quietly, but sternly, "This is too many people, it's unsafe...we'd all be trapped if there were a fire." And he walked out. Glo said, "He does that every week"

(mostly true)

Posted by: Cousin Mark on June 19, 2003 12:38 PM

Did you happen to catch the Donny & Marie movie last night! I was living in the past for the entire show and even remembered their closing song! LOL! My DH was looking at me like I had lost it and I thought of your post! Thanks for the laughs!

Posted by: Tamara on June 30, 2003 2:11 PM

Wow. Who're Donny and Marie?

...

That was a joke. Pretend you don't hate me. :)

Posted by: "Little Chicken" Kiersten on July 9, 2003 3:57 PM

God, do I ever remember Easter in Florida (Tampa -- and I must be one year younger than you---small world). They always had to either hide the chocolate eggs inside or we'd find one later outside, turned to foil-wrapped chocolate syrup. Yuck.

Thanks for the funny entry :) Brought back such memories.

Posted by: Ty on August 7, 2003 4:20 PM