September 4, 1999

Tomorrow we are having a party at our house for my parents' 50th wedding anniversary. Seventy-five guests, two tents, two bartenders, one Irish quartet. I'm very nervous. To take my mind off of the stress, I am going to tell you some more stories about my mom, because I know she loves it when I talk about her on my web page. The summer after my sophomore year in college, Ericka and I worked full-time at a local nursing home. One afternoon after work, she and I were out romping around and we stopped at the local White Hen Pantry to pick up some Diet Pepsi and Peanut Butter Twix. We noticed a "now hiring for nights" sign at the cash register and decided to apply. I don't know why we thought we needed two jobs, but we were interviewed on the spot. The woman in charge, short and round with long, greasy hair, told us that if she were to hire us, we'd have to work on the Fourth of July. We said we would, which appeared to be the only job requirement because she hired both of us. Excited, we hurried over to Ericka's house to share the good news with her mother. Todder warned us that we may be overextending ourselves a bit, but she was apparently pleased with our industriousness and she sent us on our way. The next stop was my house, where we shared the happy news with my mom. Her reaction, however, was the opposite of Todder's. "You are NOT working at a convenience store," she announced. "People get SHOT there!" "But Mom, this is MCHENRY...nothing bad..." "I don't care. You are NOT working there. And at night? Alone? Ha! No way." "But Mom, I'll have all this money..." "Go tell her you quit." "MOM!" "Go tell her you quit right now. Both of you." "Hey!" Ericka interjected. "My mom said it's OK!" "I don't care," said my mother. "Neither one of you are working there. Go." Shocked, we walked out the door. We were a bit sheepish as we arrived to give our notice not even a half an hour after being hired, but the woman seemed to take the news well. Ericka drove me home from college for the summer--this was a few years later--with her car crammed full of our things. When we arrived at my house, she came in to say hi to my mom. After a few minutes of polite chatter, my mom asked what we had done to our hair. Ericka's was a very blonde and mine was very black. We thought we looked pretty good. "We colored it," I said a bit defensively. "Why?" "Well." My mom thought for a minute. "I guess you two would look better if you dropped about forty pounds." Ericka looked at her in horror. "Each?" she squeaked. A short conversation followed in which my mom tried to backpedal and make her comment seem less harsh, but Ericka and I had had enough. "That's it," she roared. "We're out of here." She stood and pointed to me. "Come on, Tons of Fun." "I'm leaving," I told my mom. "If I can fit out the door." Oh, man. I forgot to water the flowers again. I'm so nervous. Wanna be notified when I update? Send mail and thou shalt receive!