9 June 1998
Why not an entry on stupid things I've done in my life that all stem from one of my fatal flaws...impatience.
June, 1987
My friend Colleen had some pictures from her high school graduation party that I wanted to see really badly. I don't know why...I had missed most of the party because my brother had scored some tickets for us to see Jonathan Brandmeier at Poplar Creek that night and, being the insensitive 17-year-old that I was, I only stayed at Colleen's party for about an hour. She said she didn't mind, and I didn't even feel bad until I got to the party and realized I was blowing her off big-time.
So she got the pictures developed and called me to describe them.
"Bring them over," I begged. "You've got a car there, right?"
"Yeah, but I don't really want to."
"Come on. I really want to see them."
"No...you can see them tomorrow or something."
"It'll take you two minutes to drive over...please?" By now I had it in my head that I would die if I didn't see these pictures. I cannot even tell you why...they really were not going to be that great. But I was focused on getting my way...no matter how obnoxious I had become.
"FINE. I'm leaving now." Colleen hung up the phone, clearly annoyed, but I didn't care.
I was so excited to see the pictures from her graduation party that I couldn't sit still. It would take her probably 10 minutes to grab her dad's car keys from the little Tupperware dish on top of the refrigerator, hop into her dad's Chevy Cavalier, and drive the 5 miles to my house.
I couldn't wait. A plan hatched in my head.
I decided to leave my house and head for the Parkland, the junior high across the street. I'd cut across the campus and make my way out to Route 120, the main highway that runs through McHenry. Colleen would come up 120 on her way to my neighborhood, and if I were standing there, waving and flagging her down from the side of the road, she'd surely see me. She'd stop, pick me up, laugh at my kookiness and...I'd get my hands on those pictures! Sooner than later.
I went for it. I trotted though Parkland's lawn, my breathing labored both from the exercise and from excitement. I hoped I had the timing right...what if there was no traffic, or if she made it to my house faster than I had expected? I had to hurry!
Finally, I emerged up onto Route 120. I stood in the gravel and began jogging towards town, keeping an eye out for a black Chevy. The cars whizzed by. No sign of Colleen.
Finally, I saw her in the distance. A dark little speck on the horizon. I began to jump and flap my arms. I ran towards home, backwards, hopping and waving. Colleen's car drew closer...closer...HERE! I called...COLLEEN! Look at me!...I gesticulated wildly.
She blew past me without even turning her head. Wearing white sunglasses. Her arm draped casually out the window.
SHIT.
I immediately turned and plowed though the field and sprinted across the lawn of the junior high. Bursting through the row of hedges that separated the campus from my street, I looked eagerly to my driveway.
No Cavalier. She was gone.
I ran in the door and called her house. She wasn't home yet, of course. I tried her again. And again. Suddenly I realized she'd be pissed at me. I had begged her to drive over to my house with pictures of a party I had barely attended, a party for HER which I had pretty much blown off for Johnny B., of all people, and then, when she had arrived at my house, where was I? Not there.
I slunk away from the phone.
I didn't see those pictures until the following August. I didn't deserve to.
Once I start feeling impatient, it's like I can't think of anything else. Nothing can calm me down. I hyper-focus on whatever it is that I want to happen. I want Andy to come to bed RIGHT NOW. I want to get through the afternoon traffic RIGHT NOW. I want someone to call me back RIGHT NOW. It's really a dangerous way to live.
I'm working on it.