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January 6, 2002
Why is it that the Christmas tree looks so much better in the dark than in the light? And better in person than in a picture?
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I was so excited about our tree this year. And now, looking at this picture, it looks like...I don't know, like it's covered in baggy underwear or something.
The tree, by the way, is NOT REAL. We will NEVER HAVE a real tree in our house, because it's so ingrained in me that REAL TREES=A TICKET TO A FIERY DEATH. Other ways to invite flames and sorrow into your life, taught to me by my father, a captain in the Chicago Fire Department, include:
- Leaving the blow-dryer or toaster plugged in when not in use
- Riding on a motorcycle ("donorcycle")
- Burning candles (when I was in high school, the power went out one night, so my mom and I fired up a bunch of candles in the living room so that we could see to read. My dad took one look at this scenario and retired to bed, proclaiming, "I'm going to need a goddamned BUCKET OF SAND by my bed if I want to live to see morning!")
It's not just images of grisly death that my dad took home with him after each shift. He also introduced to us such rules as If Someone At the Dinner Table Asks You To Pass Something, You May Not Use It First. If you were to ignore this rule at the fire house, what would happen to you? Your Plate Would Be Taken Away. (or it would be Turned Over--these consequences were interchangeable. Both meant you would not get to finish your dinner.)
In other news, Andy and I have succumbed to the nonsense of baby talk. Not just succumbed. We've EMBRACED the baby talk. We are two old pros, nattering away at Quinn using words and phrases we would have probably snorted at derisively a few months ago.
Take this little quiz to see if you can decipher our vocabulary.
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a. baffer b. diap c. dadder d. Mama's Pretty Bunny e. yums f. sockers g. 'tatoes h. mouffer i. boogs j. napper |
1. What does Quinn like to eat? 2. Mama gets these out of Quinn's nose with the sucker, much to Quinn's horror. 3. What does Quinn have every morning before getting dressed? 4. Put these on Quinn's footies so they don't get cold! 5. Quinn likes to be changed into a fresh... 6. Mama washes this part of Quinn after she eats. 7. This person always gets up in the middle of the night, God bless him. 8. Have to scrub behind Quinn's ears so these don't grow! 9. Who is Quinny? 10. Quinn likes to take these in her bouncy chair. |
Highlight the line below to see the answers:
Start highlighting here---1.e---2.i---3.e---4.f---5.b---6.h---7.c---8.g---9.d---10.j
And on that <revolting, stomach-turning> note, I have to go do
#2. OH MY GOD. Number two from the QUIZ...jeez...you people are sick.
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