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November 19, 2001

Quinn and Bill the Cat: separated at birth?

Yesterday was her one-month birthday, and what did I give her? A cold. I guess we need to shelve the Mother of the Year plans.

I would like to discuss two disgusting things that I've seen on TV lately. First is the commercial for the Wheels on the Bus game. Has anyone seen this? It features a family singing that annoying, repetitive song while riding in their car, then it shows them in their house playing the board game. And the little girl of the family, who is about 5 or 6, is COMPLETELY SKANKED OUT! Her hair is an unnatural shade of yellow, and it's crimped. Crimped! And someone slathered her face with a butt-load of dark, ho-bag lookin' makeup. Oh my goodness. It is wrong, wrong, wrong on several levels.

The next disgusting thing is something I saw while watching TNT's presentation of "Selena" on Sunday night. (Go ahead. Make your comments. I don't care.) There's a scene where Selena's parents are in bed talking about something (maybe how J.Lo's New York accent does not jibe with Selena's Texas roots?), and the dad threw back the covers in a fit of annoyance. As he delivered his lines, he lay in the bed where the camera LINGERED ON HIM so that all of us playing at home could clearly see his pasty legs and his tighty-whities! And then, as he got out of bed, he SPREAD THOSE VERY SAME LEGS and the camera, it did not pan away. It stayed locked on the unforgiving shot, and we saw more of Mr. Selena than we had any right to. I had to look away for fear I would need therapy to erase the images laid before me!

Good God.

Before we move on--a gratuitous shot of Quinn taken last week as she watched me make dinner. What I'm wondering is...who let her into the hooch? She looks soused!

My mom was visiting me in the hospital the day after Quinn was born, and there was discussion among some of my siblings about her nose. Apparently, they felt it was squished, and they were debating whether or not it would shape up after she'd been on the outside for awhile. My mom wondered if her nose shape was a result of her positioning when she'd been inside me. But she couldn't ask it that way--oh no. That would be too tactful. Instead she inquired,

"What position was she in when they found her?"

Found her?

Quinn and I went to my mom's house on Friday to help her make cinnamon rolls for Thanksgiving morning. To be honest, we weren't much help. Quinn was distractingly cute, and I don't like to get my hands dirty and couldn't grasp the concept of kneading dough, so we were probably more trouble than we were worth.

At one point, I was sitting at the kitchen table trying to help Quinn keep her pacifier in, and my mom was standing at the counter rolling up the dough.

"To be honest...." she started, and I tensed up, ready for one of her lectures, like the one that involves her telling me I should get myself a nice pair of "slacks" because I dress like I'm "still in college."

"...I don't like the circus." I waited for this comment to make sense, or to have some application to what we were doing.

"I mean, how long can you look up and clap?" she asked. And that was all she had to say about that.

Do you know where we took Quinn on her first outing? On the right, you'll see her all bundled up in her car seat and ready to travel. (That plaid thing, by the way, is the coolest. It fits over the car seat so that we don't have to bundle Quinn up in a coat if we are going out in the cold.)

And up above, you'll see us at our destination. Can you guess where we are?

If you guessed Borders, you are correct!

She was 5 days old, by the way. And I'm in my pajamas. We camped out in front of the pregnancy/childbirth section of the store and crammed like it was finals week or something. Andy emerged from his browsing with a stack of six books on fatherhood...I kindly asked him if he was sure he was going to read all of them any time soon. He put half of them back. Two more were returned the following week. And the one he kept is gathering dust next to his side of the bed. Mmmm hmmm. He's a good dad without the books...I don't know what he was worried about.

OH MY LAWDY. I was just going to wrap this entry up when Andy came home for lunch bearing McDonald's and the mail (God bless him!). And look...LOOK what Gael of Pop Culture Junk Mail sent Quinn. LOOK!

Oh yes, my pets. It is a Facts of Life mouse pad! Lawdy! Lawdy! It's the best thing I've ever seen in my life! And it's the cast that features George Clooney! Oh my God, Gael...you are the funniest person in all the land. Quinn and I will treasure this gift, as will future generations!

I can take my nap happily now.

Life is good.