February 13, 2000

The prospect of teaching The Scarlet Letter to 10th graders left me desperate for a way to get them hooked before they cracked it open and saw the intimidating lengths of Nathaniel Hawthorne's sentences and his 19th century fancy-pants vocabulary. I knew my chickens had heard of the book; we were the last set of sophomores to read it at my school, so some of their friends had already done battle with it. But I didn't want the next three weeks to be painful, so I tried to spiff up Nate's story and pitch it to them. "So," I announced in an off-hand way on the day we came back from Christmas vacation, "We're starting The Scarlet Letter this week, and I want to give you some background to get you into it." <groaning, sighing, general despair> "There was this woman who, with her husband, decided to move to the Boston settlement from England back in the 1600s. You guys remember studying Puritanism, right?" <some nodding, some pained expressions.> "So anyway," I continued, "at the last minute her husband says, 'Hang on, hang on, I've got to stay here a bit and do some work. You go ahead and I'll meet you there.' So the woman, Hester, goes to America and settles in Boston by herself. Everyone knows she's married and waiting for her husband, but..." I paused dramatically. "He never showed up! And...a couple of years later...she was pregnant." <definite perking up, a few Springer-like catcalls.> "Think about what life was like in Puritan times," I told them. "How do you think everyone reacted to Hester being unmarried and pregnant?" "She's in big trouble! She's BUSTED!" "That's not in the Bible!" "She's a HO!" "Who was the father?" the chickens clamored. "Who was it?" "Read the book," I told them, not unkindly. "It's in there. Anyway, so Hester, yes, is busted and is thrown in jail. They don't kill her because she's with child, but she sits in jail for the duration of her pregnancy. Anyway," I continued... <almost everyone's attention focused on my story> "She has the baby, it's a girl, and when the baby is a few months old, Hester has to carry out another aspect of her punishment. She has to leave the jail cell she's been living in, walk out to the town square while everyone is assembled, and stand up on this stage so the entire town can look at her. While holding her illegitimate baby. Oh, and because she's soooo naughty, they're making her wear a scarlet 'A' for 'adultery' on her dress at all times." <empathetic looks, barely contained outrage on behalf of Hester> "So Hester gets up there, feeling hundreds of sets of eyeballs boring into her, and she looks out into the crowd, and who does she see?" <breath held for my dramatic pause> "Her husband! Standing in the back of the crowd...looking right at her...and the gathered townspeople...and the baby in her arms." <gleeful horror at Hester's predicament> "And that's how the story opens!" I finished triumphantly, sure they would be way into this groovy book. I scanned the crowd to see who would be the first to dig in and start reading. <frowny faces. The pained expressions are back. What was wrong?> "Oh my God, Mrs. Lester..." a chicken finally spoke up. "I thought that was the WHOLE BOOK!" Several nodded in agreement. "Oh..." I said weakly, "No...that's just the first chapter or two. But it gets really good from there!" <interest waning; disappointment flooding over their faces> "Come on you guys! It's a great story!" I held up the book and kind of waved it at them. "Her husband's a real psycho...there's a lot of death...give it a try!" "Well, we heard it sucked!" said one disgruntled chick. "Who told you it sucked?" I demanded. "All of our friends who read it." "Well, you guys loved the story I just told you! And the whole book is like that! So who are you going to believe--yourselves or your friends?" <pause, but not very long.> "Our friends. This book's gonna suck." Humph. Wanna be notified when I update? Send mail and thou shalt receive!