January 1, 2000

I had this big dream of cleaning my office over Christmas vacation. While I was typing up my finals and doing last-minute grading a few weeks ago, I kept getting frustrated because my normally-neat desk drawers are now sloppy. "Over vacation..." I'd tell myself as I piled up pens and paper clips and rubber bands into one divided section of my normally-neat supply tray. I think I've mentioned my messy shelves already this week...so just add in a lot of dust and carpet grit and you have a pretty clear picture of what I'm living in. Now it's Saturday night...I just got home from a movie marathon at the fabulous AMC Theatres...and I'm too tired to even think about cleaning my office. Tomorrow I have to unpack some winter clothes and wash them (fending off the urge to just dump them at the dry-cleaners) and take down the Christmas decorations. No time or energy for the office tomorrow, probably. Here's what I'm shoving away from me so it doesn't touch my hands while I type: Shine magazine. Has anyone ever read it? I bought it at the grocery store today because I've never seen it. If I'm scanning the magazine rack and there's a woman's magazine there that I've never seen before, I feel offended, like someone is keeping something from me. I live for magazines. (What's that Anne Lamott quote...something about life being long so make sure you have plenty of snacks and magazines...) Chicago Tribune Millennial Edition. For some reason, I still think I teach journalism. I am a sucker for commemorative editions of newspapers. I also have the Walter Payton edition--not surprisingly, stacked on a shelf. I'm sure I won't read either one of them. Seventeen magazine. Shut up. My Franklin Planner. I took out today's daily page with some measurements jotted down on it to take to IKEA, so it isn't very helpful right now...but tomorrow it will be. A candle, also purchased today at the grocery store. Andy literally screeched when he discovered it in our cart. "WE HAVE ENOUGH CANDLES!!!" Oh come on. No we don't. It smells really good...it's Calgon Home Splendeur Matinale (what a pretentious name for a grocery-store candle!). Mug with my nice pens and pencils that I don't have to worry about anyone walking away with because they are in my office and no one walks up to me and begs to borrow a pen until I feel sorry for his or her pathetic self and give up a pen and never, ever see it again. The Wal-Mart receipt I scanned for this entry. I don't know where to keep it...if I should bother keeping it...so here it sits until a verdict is made. The ever-present box of Kleenex. I blow my nose...a lot. A coaster with a picture of my sister's dog on it. (SIDEBAR: My brother was in the hospital last week, and when my sister came in to visit, she brought a framed picture of her dog, Annie, for Dennis to look at while he recuperated. Wait--it gets worse. Not only did she happen to have a framed picture of her dog handy...it was Annie's "Christmas picture"--she was in a formal pose with a fake snow background, a sled, and a snowman! "FOR GOD'S SAKE, PEGGY!" I cried.) A six-pack of Tic Tacs, ready to go to school with me on Monday. Remember that high school teacher you had with the really bad coffee breath? Well, that's never going to be me. This book: "Potatoes, Not Prozac / Are You Sugar Sensitive?"--I've read it, I've highlighted it, I've done everything but follow its advice, for next to it is... An empty cereal bowl from my dinner of Golden Grahams. Two computer disks. Actually, they're not on my desk any more, because I just shoved them into that already-messy-normally-neat drawer. A dishtowel from a Diet Coke emergency that occurred while I helped my niece with her English homework yesterday morning. (What kind of evil teacher gives kids homework over Christmas vacation? Even I'm not that relentless.) Do you see what a dilemma I'm in? Do you? Please come help. Wanna be notified when I update? Send mail and thou shalt receive!